Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Someone came in the potted fern
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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