As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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