y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
