After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
