we're chasing vodka with high fives
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
