Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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