just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
