I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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