Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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