if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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