What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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