He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
