If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
