I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
