Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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