I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My hand turned me down
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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