guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
