I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
