he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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