Jerry, you need to find god
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
