Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
