omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
