he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
