One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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