she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
These tits shall not be calmed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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