she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
