just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
