Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
