toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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