Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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