I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
