Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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