shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My breasts were aching with rage.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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