I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
