My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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