His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My pussy is not your playground.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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