i jhust puked up my retainher.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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