People in love make me want to vomit
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
