I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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