You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
