apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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