There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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