btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
