and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He shit in the fireplace
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
