why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
