if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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