found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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