Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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