My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
