Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
