i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
