Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
