I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
