a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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