I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
