im about as happy as oj after his trial
high people should be assigned attendants
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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