Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
