so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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