Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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