When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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